When I read "The Paper Menagerie" by Ken Liu, I definitely identified with several aspects of the narrator and his relationship with his mother. Like many other Asian-Americans, I have gone through similar experiences of micro-aggressions and racism at school, desiring to assimilate, and so on during my childhood and sometimes even today. And though the degree to which these things have to do with my parents - and my mother in particular - varies a bit with that of the narrator, it still applies to my narrative.
Next to the line, "'Speak English,'" I drew an arrow and wrote, this is so familiar. For the narrator, these two words embody the contempt he feels for his mother's heritage, which she has passed on to him and is at odds with the white-centric environment he lives in. They represent the narrator's intense want and struggle to assimilate to America.
For me, these words are familiar, but for different reasons. My mother is native Korean, and moved to the United States with my father (who had grown up in California) after getting married. Needless to say, her English is not perfect, and she still prefers to speak in Korean. Having gone to international and American schools my entire life, my English is much better than my Korean, and I often have to tell my mother "Speak English" if I want to understand exactly what she is saying. I guess it's not so much about my want to assimilate or discard my Korean identity, but more so a disconnect that exists between my mother and I due to language. It can definitely be frustrating from time to time to overcome that language barrier with her, but I always feel a twang of guilt asking her to "Speak English" for my sake. Like the narrator at the end of the story, I'm absolutely interested in learning more about Korean and becoming more fluent, at the very least for my mom.
Jen,
ReplyDeleteYour sentiment is one that I wholeheartedly relate to; communication between my parents and I is also hindered by barriers of language, though, as was yours from Liu's narrative, my own experience is slightly different.
I grew up speaking Chinese with my parents, and English at school. Though I was fluent in both languages, they began to branch from each other as I grew - English became my academic and social language; in English, I was a scholar - it was the language with which I studied the world, interacted with peers, and crafted my own ideas and arguments. Chinese was the language of my culture - at home, it was used to communicate familial values, shape my character, and build my identity as a brother and a son.
This divergence within languages created a discrepancy within me - I lacked the academic language to express more nuanced or complex sentiments in Chinese, preventing me from communicating such ideas with my parents, and Confucian verses that preached piety and humility felt clumsy and awkward through my translations to English, something my more Americanized peers made clear to me in school.
In my own narrative, language is not so much a direct barrier of communication as a separation between two aspects of myself that are difficult to reconcile. This struggle manifests itself in many ways; when my mother visits America, she is transformed from a commanding and confident figure to one who needs help for tasks as simple as grocery shopping or using a parking meter. Arguments with my parents are often fruitless, and result in hours of misunderstanding, my English rhetoric (because it is the language in which I learned to debate) clashing with their ancient, mystical, Chinese idioms and ideologies. Language has come to represent much more to me than a means of communication, but a manifestation of heritage, culture, and identity.
Both 'The Paper Menagerie' and your post were thought-provoking and interesting - above all else, I thought that they spoke to a degree of universalism that many in situations similar to ours face. Thank you for sharing your own experience, and I hope my story, as yours did for me, poke at a few of the ideas that we both seem to be exploring.
:) Terrence
Jen,
ReplyDeleteThe words "Speak English" also really struck me, but for reasons different from yours and Terrence's. I guess my parents have good English (my dad immigrated to California in junior high and my mom picked English up really quickly in college). I often want to tell my parents to "Speak English," but not to criticize their pronunciation or grammar. It's during student-parent gatherings or visits to the mall that I wish they could speak English the way other parents do - "English" as in the words they choose to use and the tones or conversation topics that they choose from.
After reading both your blog and Terrence's comment, I started thinking about how our personal experiences are different yet relatable to "The Paper Menagerie" at the same time. There are so many variations of the Asian/American experience and yet we (or maybe just me) can't identify too many because there aren't many opportunities to talk about it.
Maybe as the term goes by we'll have more material and class discussion about the range of Asian/American experiences.
- Tiffany